No One Notices The Gray
(Don’t write the thoughts of this writing off because of the path it’s taking!)
I don’t know why, but it seems more and more, that people are seeing more of the Black and the White of life these days; while in the gray, that’s where fear and ignorance is consuming society. That statement in itself sounds off, till we understand all that we have taken for granted in our lives, almost as if we grow into a functional sighted blindness in the gray; but selfishness and pain looms in the gray.
In society, it’s ignoring what we see as wrong and destructive while we blame something that is controlled by human choices that are thoughtlessly being made, be it in politics, the environment, society’s own actions and accepted practices. A teacher is closing every book that has what he thinks has a negative effect on global warming, that includes topics about chemtrails; stating that such books deplete the view of global warming. But his view may very well shadow the truth of man’s actions, for future generations to discern; just or unjust in the outcomes of the actions of man.
All the while, arsenic, pollen, fungus, all issues related to the respiratory issues that are causing ER’s across the country to be inundated by people of all ages, the above aggressors are being dropped from above. But we still in the accepted gray, we blame the glass company; even though there’s no real viable proof that the glass company is at fault. But in awareness, and a need to understand, we can see a blanketing of a yellow dust like pollen that is covering everything continent wide, no matter the planting zone that farmers and gardeners trust explicitly.
But, this writing is not about the gray area that society accepts, it’s about the gray area that people live with in their personal lives, closer to home, the more internal home, the heart and the soul. It deals or attempts to deal with Love given, received, nurtured or ignored. A good deal like society and the awareness of global life, if we can’t understand what surrounds us in society, then how will we truly understand something more internal, something with true depth.
Six years, sometimes, you just have to ask yourself: Was the efforts of truth, caring, Love given; was it really worth the effort.
Life’s coin, from both sides, heads and tails, is overtaken with gray; caused by a true lack of understanding and nurturing. Divorce, self abuse, dependency, neediness and reaching out in desperation; abundant acceptance of such in life is too common today, and sadly so. I’ve been watching comments on another post, it proves that people want better, but so much of society is starved and bereft of understanding; the understanding of the nurturing we all must give in order to gain true fulfilment in life.
Another visit to the hospital, not that it’s becoming a pass time of mine, it’s just something written in the cards of life; time is not what we think it is, it’s not just the face of a clock. Time is sacred, time should be respected, and made the most of. This visit, I got the room by the elevator, I got to see the visitors that were coming and going.
Throughout my two-day visit, being intravenously medicated, I had nothing better to do than to people watch. I saw old people trying to look young, I saw junkies, fancy insecure people, security guards, and those hard working doctors and nurses that are internally trying to put smiles on their faces in light of what they see on their own path through their work days; work days that include both life, and death.
So, what does six years have to do with any of this, it’s devoted time in what life I have left on this earth; time devoted out of an honest Love. Now out of the hospital, I am reflecting more on time spent, trying to nourish certain relationships that I have been working on for better than the six years in spite of the odds. For two very important people mainly, but restrictions and health, being what they are, moving forward without understanding from those that should be striving to understand better; I question all facets of my efforts, and what others understand about life and Love.
Pushing my feelings onto another is not my nature when dealing with adults, I expect listening and an honest understanding of life first; but when I express my feelings, it should be known that they are honest. Dealing with the rest of the people in my life is of very little consequence compared to the two people mentioned above.
Through the years my open door policy in life has been abused through a lack of conversation (even though the meaningful conversation time has been offered many times.) The time was never shared, now, it’s up to them more than it is me, in this case though, I let my feelings be known in a serious caring and Loving manner; but to no avail. Today, through evasive conversation, never coming to the point by means of one of the two, I had no choice but to confront the question I had a strong dread to ask.
So are you moving?
Yes it was decided!
But by who? I can’t remember the honest conversation coming my way, I can remember my trying to get my feelings understood, I can remember the time spent that I was given to be a part of a one-sided wish that has been apparently more within my heart and soul; but not an honest conversation in any form of an adult and mature manner from those involved. I’m reminded of a line from the movie Secondhand Lions: Everything goes to the kid!
Now, with my understanding of doctors orders, no long drives when once I could, no flying or any other restrictive means of travel, I am looking again at the past lost opportunities to spend time with the two above, time that could have been spent in meaningful conversation that would have nurtured a much need understanding, not only of the past, the future; and the limitations of my illness. So, one of the two, the closest to home, will be moving to another state to live, within the month left, we will do something together in their terms however constrained by the time left available before the move. In other words, the time we will be sharing, however too late, will be in their hands and control; but I am relentless in my beliefs that my efforts have not been in vain, because they were made in Love.
In remorse of the time lost, my not pushing harder may have been a devastating double edged sword, one edge cutting off permanently the relationship, the other edge possibly trimming off the uncertainty that often attaches to the lack of understanding of the lives we live. In the lives we live, anybody’s lives, it’s always give and take in what we understand of any relationship or life; remembering time is a gift to be respected and nurtured for the better, far removed from any lack of selfishness or lack of understanding.
As humans, we were blessed with brains, hearts, and souls, as tools of life, we have the vision of life and how we can better understand the lives we live; that is if we give honest thought, honest conversation, honest understanding the chances they all deserve to be given. In an adult world, with regard to Love, relationships, shunning the above to harbor anger, misunderstandings, through a fear of the truth or non caring manners is in truth is the sharpest most devastating cut from life’s double edged sword.
The time to converse with Loved ones, no matter the circumstances, is now; if life is lived honestly. If not, if time and the meaning of life is taken for granted, then the only result is loss and regret. I am not angry, and certainly not remorseful of the Love given to the two people in reference above. No matter the outcome, in my Faith and Love, I know our day will come for a grand reunion, but the time is always now; for the betterment of life, that is the first lesson of life.
Life was never meant to be popular, nor politically correct, life is meant to be lived with honor, respect and dignity; those most needed parts of life are first met with honest understanding and then nurtured out of Love. The most powerful truth of life, it’s not the gifts we give or receive in life, we can never take those items with us when we go, by God’s own design; the most powerful gifts any of us can give while on this earth, is an Honest Love that comes from the heart and the soul. It’s only in such a Love that any of us will see and feel the pulse of eternity with the ones we Love the most.