What We Sometimes Learn From Love
Sometimes the lesson isn’t quite what we are looking for, nonetheless; it’s a lesson in life.
A friend shared something with me the other day, I know this stuff goes on so I wasn’t surprised by any means; but knowing the person, a sweet and gentle person, what she told me was atrocious.
The topic was about abusive husbands, what saved her is that she got tough; a good cure in any case. In some relationships, getting tough is too often too late; there are a good deal of families in this country that have buried family members that fell victim to spousal abuse.
But what causes such an atrocity, causing the dismantling of families by a death of a Loved one in a bad relationship? We could rightfully blame the abuse on drug and alcohol abuse, but that would be more of a copout and a lack of needed understanding. Abuse goes deeper than that, in any abuse, it takes a bully, and it takes a victim; the trick is, don’t be the victim.
Having a positive attitude towards yourself is not always related to being snobbish or conceited, or overly protected of yourself; it’s more related to knowing that you are human and that you are preordained by God to have self worth in your earthly existence. Simply put, you’re not on this earth to be abused by anyone, but your not on this earth to be the abuser of anyone; being a bully is a weakness, the same as staying in an abusive relationship is a weakness.
Blaming drugs and alcohol for abuse, that won’t cure the problem of abuse. Spousal abuse comes in many forms, and women, you’re not alone in the abusive actions you may be receiving; men get the same at times. Put in the right light, abuse can be seen in the forms of action and reaction, most usually the reaction is hopeful acceptance; believing that things will change. But till the abuser gets help, things won’t change.
Domineering controlling attitudes carry on till they are stopped, if not stopped or changed, such attitudes are simply a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. But if the thought is spousal abuse, then there is a good chance that children are present in the middle of what’s happening; what they take away from the experience is not only pain and suffering, but acceptance. Because the child can’t have the answers in life, they can only look at the situation as normal, acceptance is inherent in the insanity; at that point the insanity is bred on to the next generation, till an escape is found.
Then comes the addicts Love affair with escape, and sadly more abuse; putting an end to the insanity is hard when the insanity is thought to be normal.
But what’s all this got to do with Love, because it sure don’t sound like Love. Well, no matter what the insanity is thought to be, being Love or not, none of it is Love; if anything, it amounts to Love for Loves sake. Not quite warm and fuzzy now is it. Where people end up, is they start “Looking for Love in all the Wrong places” and depleting their hopes of ever finding real Love, a meaningful Love.
Without knowing the meaning of Love, due to spousal abuse, and all the abusive shortcomings, people will enter into what they know; an unbalanced Love and a way of life. The insanity grows, the children learn the insanity, and even though society silently accepts the insanity, the truth of the matter is; is that the beauty and the strength of an honest Love is then degraded to dysfunction.
But with the above, when an honest Love arrives, too often, the Love is not seen as being an honest Love, through so much past abuses and loss of self-esteem, the victims of abuse find themselves more accepting what they are seeing come their way as more of the same; they have an honest chance to have a grand Love in their life, they just can’t see the depth of Love. Learning from the past is hard, but it must be done, ugliness and all if we are to grow stronger in life and Love; otherwise we turn the tables and become the abuser rather than the victim.
So here is a hint, Love builds, Love does not destroy. Love enriches creativity. Love brings enlightenment to life. Love brings two people together that support each other’s dreams and ambitions. Love nurtures life. Love thrives on the smallest aspect of life with an increasing enhancing manner, it never thrives on stagnation. If Love represents little or none of the above, then look at the substance that’s in the relationship, life is way too short to live with a one-sided dysfunctional Love, a Love that someday a spouse or ex-spouse will ask; why dint our Love last.
No matter, the scars of an abusive life, they are deep, they bring the horrors of life to life, but they never have to control a person’s life; unless the scars are accepted as normal.