When Efforts Fail
What to do, when all good intentions, all good actions, all honest words, all honest love; fails to be seen or understood by those you love beyond anything. Divorce can put anyone in that position, and someone reading this will ask themselves that very question; what to do?
Sorry, there’s no real concrete answer, the only thing that I can say is; keep giving, be thankful for the time you have, don’t expect the moon and stars, and prayers won’t hurt. Just be honest and open, don’t start fights with the ex-spouse or anyone, just be the best human being you can be.
Don’t be in love with Love, that won’t get you anywhere. Doing so will just add to any depression you might be dealing with, love has to be honest, it’s a gift you give sparingly and not to the world. But when is enough enough, that’s where you have to do some soul searching, start by seeing what that part of your life is doing to you, how it’s making you feel; it’s all human and we just can’t save the world or society. Love is a one on one game, unless people are talking about what they don’t know about you when it comes to you and your life.
Living is tough enough for anyone these days, just look around, the odds are stacked to the nines and the odds are not in favour of true happiness with depth.
Don’t start fights, can’t do that if some sort of contentment is to be retained in life, all the bicker and blame won’t help; but such a take on life is taken as weakness or non caring, so be it. My ex-wife asked me why our marriage didn’t last, almost a thirty year marriage, it ended in divorce. Oh family was involved, disruptive attitudes against parts of family members, stagnation and dominance; if marriage were soil, it would be hard to grow a dandelion in those conditions.
But she asked, and I didn’t answer, didn’t want to start the fight due to a selfish question, if she doesn’t know by now; then there is no showing her the truth. I do though wish her well in her new life, even though I question her past actions in regards to our children, the things I don’t know, or weren’t told and should have been told. The words my children heard about me or about them by their mother, how constricting to life those words were, words that should never have been spoken; without knowledge and understanding. But I keep thinking, don’t start the fight.
But then it is true, most attitudes in marriage that silently chip away at a marriage, they are actually chipping away at love, but it’s common today. But then anyone that has read the Bible, knows well that it is a book of Love, so what if that silent chipping away at a marriage that is supposed to be a union of love, what if that silent chipping is also chipping away at God’s place in a marriage brought together in his name. Where will such chipping away leave the children, maybe not today, but in all of their tomorrows.
There aren’t any future visions in life that doesn’t include knowledge, and the seeking of substance in the way a person lives; without that knowledge and substance, the life experience dwindles in stagnation. Anyone can understand at such a point what the addiction of drugs and alcohol do to life, at the same time a strong understanding of why some people fall abruptly to the bottom of a bottle; when the fading of life’s knowledge and substance fades to obscurity. But in divorce, and the struggle to hold on to what’s left, there is no drug, no bottle, that will give the answers we seek.
We have so much to relearn about life today, and it has to start today; that relearning has to start today. I could have given an answer to my ex-wife, but she would not have liked the answer; nor would my children or some of the family that was present. With the exception of my children, given today’s standards of living, the falsehoods that people live their lives by, just the pure nature of divorce; I don’t think I would waste my time in explaining what her or anyone else are too lazy to know.
So what to do When the Efforts Fail, keep trying and keep believing in the knowledge of life, and the seeking of substance; and the hope that someday in real conversation, both can be shared.
“A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there is less of you.” – Margaret Atwood
But divorce like an amputation, those from family to the now ex-spouse in your life, they love to talk about you, they just don’t do it in front of you, such actions breed the anger, and with children in the mix, the confusion falls on the children like rain. They see the anger, when alone with one parent, the children hear the words of that one parent, they have only youthful life experiences to base their disrupted lives on. I have seen both sides of the fence, on both sides, were human emotions that were never put into check by the adults.
In a way, if my ex-wife ever reads this, then she will have my answer to her question.