Depression is Silent
The quietness of depression, however silent, depression will control a person; and no one is immune. It breaks down to how people handle their lives.
I can see my feet, sounds strange don’t it, every one can see their feet. But, I said those words. After a divorce, I ate, and I ate; Feeeel Gooood foods. Hostess, became my friend, so did Snickers, Kit Kat bars, rich fatty foods; they were as welcome in my house as family and friends. To the point that I couldn’t see my feet unless I was sitting down; all I could see standing up, was my belly.
My kids were in another state, conversations were short, what conversations we had were constantly interrupted, non attentive, and I was struggling hold on to them because I loved them and still do, I didn’t want to give in; I wanted better and couldn’t get it. No one ever said life was all down hill, or level, quite honestly; life is rarely all down hill and level. Something I have known since my youth, but we don’t always put what we know in life in the forefront of our day. We rely on emotions, rather than common sense.
It’s in that use of our emotions that we get lost, for some it’s popping pills or tipping a bottle, for some it’s even heavier drugs or worse. We can show emotion, but that’s never been the same as living controlled by our emotions; for me it was eating. And, it was stupid.
Sooner or later I realized, that there is distance in everything, not only in miles; but everything. Words, actions, the conversations we have, and in love; I became very good at knowing the face of distance. That’s when I stopped caring about what I got, and more of what I gave, not in gifts given or received, but in life; and if people couldn’t see or understand who I am or how I live, then too damn bad. If they can’t take the time to understand me on a common scale of life, then I won’t waste my time trying to understand them; this life is not meant to be gifts, it is the ultimate gift.
I love deeply, I always have, but love is in degrees. There is a love for objects, there is a love for nature, there is a love for lifestyle and addictions (love for lifestyle and Addictions is a shallow deadly love); the shallow end of life’s pool. Then there is a love for the one person that awakens everything inside you, creativity that you left behind, the good you’ve ignored for so long that’s now rusting away inside you; that person draws it all out of you and puts a shine on it all. Your tasting normal at that point, and you like it better than a Zingger or a Ding Dong; yeah, normal feels good.
There is also an acquaintance love, and a more entrenched love between two people. Unconditional love, it’s for honest and true friends and family, but mostly for that one person you want to spend your life with. There is a difference there, if you can walk away from me while saying I love you to me, then believe me, I can walk away from you; my time on this earth is not any less important than anyone else has in their lives.
See that’s the point here, when your addictions on drugs or alcohol, lifestyle and the continual reaching for shallow satisfaction and acceptance, regardless if it’s wallowing in your depression, or eating disorders; you lose. But you lose you, that’s what you lose, you lose you! Get used to that big [L] on your forehead because everyone can see it, they may not say anything, but everyone can see it. And you will continue to lose, until you decide to clean up your act, deep inside, you have the good inside that wants to see the light of day again; drag that good stuff out and shine it up.
Life isn’t meant to live in depression, and toxic stupor’s. Not even lifestyles equate here because their intent is to attract, attach, and leave the lesser behind; hence the true meaning of popularity, it’s a shallow following. Meaning, we are all better than any notion of popularity.
So for me, I don’t listen to the naysayers of God, of life, of the good, of the balance that we all should have in life; those naysayers will all understand what they are missing someday. But it’s up to them to ask me what makes me tick, why I always seem to be content in life with all that society takes for granted, if they can’t, then they have to come to this site; like I said, my time might not be valuable to anyone, but it is to me. I’m not going to waste my time on people that refuse to understand life and the difference between a cordial greeting and an honest conversation. In no way will I ever be the street corner preacher of good and evil, I have better things to do with my time, and I will not acknowledge or condone someone’s fears brought on by a lack of understanding of society to enter my life; or control my life.
The endeavors of mankind, measuring time correctly, building space ship’s for the rich and famous, playing the blame game for political reasons or outcomes, you name it; but one endeavor that continues to elude the understanding of mankind; living life itself, and it’s meaning.
You’ve heard me talk against people’s reliance on PTSD, save PTSD for the warriors that are fighting the good fight; but if a person hasn’t been through such an ugly side of life, then PTSD is not the problem. Drug sales is the problem. Any excuse will do for not trying to understand better what life truly means, but when the excuse consumes the life anyone lives; the battle is lost, not over, but lost.
For a few years now, a guy I know has been telling me all about the drugs the doctor gives him to stave off his depression that the doctor and him call PTSD, his pills the doctor gives him for his stomach issues because all he does is drink his beer, and his sleep and wake up pills his doctor gives him because he has nightmares because of the garbage he watches on television all day long; all because he can’t get off the sofa and do something positive, anything positive. He has never seen the atrocities of war, he saw the atrocities of societal ilk that he himself accepted into his life because everyone was doing it; but not war. So what does his doctor do, put him on more drugs, the cure all of the age we live in; drugs.
So as far as depression, and how the effects are handled on a personal level, by anyone; it’s up to the person. But if the person wants better, then get off the sofa and seek it, learn what’s good and worthwhile, but don’t whine about the life your living; because the life you are living is yours alone.
And, so is the end result, the outcome!
If depression is anyone’s goal in life, then get off the horse your riding, set it free and lay down and watch the cloud’s float by; because someone can put that horse to better use.