The Journey of Doubt
Standing on the shoulder of the world, one path up, one path down; feel like those few determined souls that stand on apex of Everest.
Never wanting to take that path down, up there, looking out everywhere between the peak and the farthest reaches of any horizon; you are free. For what may seem like a minute, you can taste every pulsating bit of Freedom; then someone says, hey Bud, gotta head back down to civilisation. Your heart sinks down to your toes, the one you want to wrap your arms around resides a whole lot higher than the Everest peak, and in your climb, you tried hard to forget everything you left at the bottom of the giant hill because of all the PC confusion. At that moment, all your thinking is: Damn, why?????????
You look out into the distance, knowing this life your living is all contingent on God’s time, still you think to yourself: Why can’t this world just fade A……way, leave it all to the lizards and the turtles, just simply fade A……way…………….
For a second you think of the television, how every commercial from save the animals to the insurance companies, from politicians to go fund-me accounts, everyone is after your lonely dollar; then you think to yourself: That’s what they used to say about churches, before God was forced away from his societal place in the eyes and hearts of humanity. Society has become it’s own church, blaming religion while they fail to understand God or Faith, never looking at themselves.
You look down through the misty air, all the ice and snow, if you slipped, you’d slide for hours; probably wouldn’t even survive to see the village at the bottom. It’s the same in life, every bit of life these days is a slippery slope: What isn’t dangerous these days, this climb was nothing in its toughness, all those schools, shot up in the name terrorism and a the god they kill for; now being a student, that’s a tough path.
You think: It’s so peaceful up here on this peak, I feel like I could kiss God’s feet, and there’s no simple minded followers of the godless ways to tell me I cant if I truly could, oh hell, they wouldn’t be up here anyway, they’re too busy hiding from their moral compass or they’re too busy spreading hate and discontent to make a climb to the steeple of this church.
You smile, rub your icy covered whiskered chin, watch the breath exit your lips: Give me a sign God, I will spread my arms wide like angelic wings and fly, Fly Away Home!!! Ah, that would be suicide, no need for math on that thought, guess I might as well head back down with the rest of the climbers.
The view above, the peak, the apex, sitting on the shoulders of God, it’s a view of thought more than majestic beauty; thoughts flow through the mind in rapid silence, profound, with depth, mixed with tranquility.
If God is the world, the creator, then how can he be shunned, distorted by popular view, makes me mournful on my leaving the peak; but the end of needed supplies means the end of my time here.
A wise man once said: Build your home on a hilltop not to look down on those below, but to see new horizons. Ah, the horizons I have seen on this journey, majestic, clear, serene and with an overabundance of tranquil calm. Often I wonder, is it just me that see’s the reality of life, is it my lack of following the flow of society, what is it in me to be more the owl in the tree, sitting silently observing the ebbs and flows of what lay before me in my view of calamities, true goodness, sadness and Love; and yet be able to discern the richness and difference between all, when some around me have great difficulty shopping for their own staples of life and their own existence.
If we are created by God to be made in the image of God, do I then, in earthly reality, have within my being; a quality of God. I care, I love, I accept, I protect, I give, could it be so; but then I have such doubt as to the quality of the societal path, God lives not in doubt, so what do my thoughts and doubt make me. Surely less God like, for his love, his concern, his generosity, they are all more unconditional than mine; but then he, in his lofty land can’t feel the burning pain of humanity’s selfish flame; or can he, we are built in his image. If we are built in his image, and if we shun him, do we not shun ourselves, do we not create our own godless demise, never to reach heaven and the open arms of the one that I love and miss.
The journey down the slippery slope, the village in sight, the gear, the pack on my back, a burden of choice and of need; I question: how simple the mind that creates and accepts such burdens however needless, does that act alone not rob our souls of all that is good in our lives and our dreams of better. Is this doubt and uncertainty, is this the way that we are supposed to be living, is my journey home from this mountain terrain, is it also going to be filled uncertainty and doubt; or will it be filled with understanding and accomplishment, the same as I felt on the peak so far above my humble shoulder.
I pause, looking back, no one can take all that I have seen, everything that my telling bones absorbed and observed since the beginning of this now ending track to the peak above; I submit to one, religion had no mention in the credits of my accomplishment here, no just hard work and Faith in God, maybe my hard work and my Faith in God are my wings to fly, however unseen or understood.
Then you wake up, roll out of bed, realizing the day, all that surrounds you, this is a day of opportunities, possibilities, a fresh and new time to give a smile away freely to brighten someone’s day, all in an angry disillusioned world; knowing well you live in a world filled with Richard Cranium’s, and you don’t want to be like them. It’s a dime a dozen world of deceit, following manners, selfish ways, life debilitating political correctness, you want no part of it; but what can you do, it’s far beyond your control.
A simplistic answer comes from deep inside, a challenging answer, till you ponder the path: I will be the best that I can be, I can’t change the world by becoming like the world and it’s inhabitants, but I can be the example of something good or maybe even better than what I was yesterday, it’s not an Everest climb; it’s an affordable gift that I can freely give. God given as it may be, it’s a gift that’s mine to give.