When Regrets Become Ours
We ALL have those chances in our day, month, year; life.
But we shine them on, or rather we simply write them off. Why take the time to say a few kind words, innocently change a frown into a smile by opening a door or saying something like it’s a good day so smile. It’s always understandable or rationalized, hey, we’re busy people right, there’s just not enough time in the day for cordial decency; but there’s always time to complain, get all moody, to tickle our rudeness bone.
But in reality, there are people that frown justifiably, an illness in the family, an accident, taking care of an elderly person at home, while working an eight hour or more shift (been there) where a kind word might lift their day (it did my day) into a more positive day. We don’t know what people are going through, we have to start respecting that aspect of life, not everyone is grumpy or a nutcase; they just need a kind word.
The ones that get me, if I am having a bad day, I’m a little short, some of the people that know me, they get offended at the slightest hint of grumpiness; some of them are the ‘I Love You’ people, they’re a dime a dozen these day’s; and I pay them little time or thought.
The chance like the moment just slips by, not a word said, we just go on our way; maybe laughing with someone or thinking the crossing of paths was inconsequential like the quality of the air we breathe. But we talk to someone years down the road, they look well, they’re happy, then they tell you; you know, something you said years ago changed my life, thank you.
Then you realize that giving up a moment or two of your life can make a difference, you then realize that moment or two really isn’t or wasn’t missed in your day; and when you lay your head on your pillow at night to drift off to dream land, you smile. That smile is the return on your investment from that moment or two so freely given up to someone you may or may not have known, boy howdy; that realization is something!!!
For me, moments like that, no Porsche or Corvette can take the place of such a moment, for such moments make material things inconsequential; oh the beautiful reality of life, to make someone smile, to make their life better; by giving up a minute portion of your life for someone else.
No matter the rewards in the above, they’re runtty taters in comparison, because the missed chances that really count, are those that are missed with the people that really care about and love you. Those are regrets, that are born in a split second, sometimes never get corrected; and unless you’re an ice cube, you will take those regrets to the grave on that very true final day.
We live with words in our lives daily that haunt us, I meant to ask you, I dint get the chance, wish I could have, why didn’t I, how can I fix what I have done; their gone now and I can’t thank them or tell them that I love them. The breeding ground of regrets, all because we are too busy in our day; to show we care, or that we are interested? Maybe we simply think we’re too special in our fine selves.
Like all the past days or years of our lives, they are gone, never to return again except; in our memories, but when dealing with regrets, that projector in the mind, it just keeps playing and playing.
We can’t run away from our regrets, but we can deal with them, and it’s imperative that we do deal with them. But the people that you have to deal with, they have to be open and mature, a time for thought here of those that have been in or are in my life, moving on; open and mature in life is not all that common these days.
See it will work like this, very simple too. Your leaving elementary school headed for the upper years, then onto life in the real world, you create habits, attitudes and actions; that someday will represent your past and the outcome of your life at which point you may be say 80yrs old.
No matter how life turns out, you become wealthy or not, you are still physically fit or not, you retained your youthful appearance while you aged or not; in the back of your mind, and deep in the soul, your past actions are carved in stone.
The pedestal people, for whatever the reason, they exist; in family, in friendships, the pedestal people exist. You tolerate them, go to the gathering’s of family and friends and there they are. Through the years you take the hugs and I love you’s from them, you tolerate their controlling and at times condescending nature, their over the line flamboyant manners and actions; and all you ever want to do is leave.
You stay with everyone, conversing, being the most balanced you that you can be; the time comes to leave, you take the hugs and I love you’s, then you exit stage right, your out of there. You get a mile down the road, you scream or sigh, but you release your frustration’s. Feels good don’t it, but what feels better, in your older years, you get to see what the pedestal people have become, overweight, shaggy, ailing or maybe they are hypochondriac’s through their fading attention. It’s not their fault, it takes people, at times thoughtless people, but people to put people on pedestals. But, they will be the ones with the regrets, someday you will take that long journey home, someone going through your stuff, they find the links you never tossed, they find your creativity, they find the real you. You can hear their thoughts, ‘wish I would have gotten to know him or her better when I had the chance…..’ Too late is too late, chances slip by all the time like a summer rain, and all that remains; are regrets.
Your children, they are grown now, homes of their own, lives of their own; but they are linked to you, they are linked to the blood that has been flowing through yourself and them for as long as the family tree has been growing. You have a history, a few boxes of things that date back maybe a hundred years, pictures and items that represent grandparents, and maybe great grandparents, a lot of history in those boxes. But the children don’t care, they are too busy to mess with the old stuff; they want new things in their life, cold lifeless new things.
But then they will get older, they will have kids that always ask the pertinent questions, like Why Who & What??????? But that will spur your own children’s thoughts on, they will go to the storage unit where they have been storing all that old junk for the next garage sale, they will dig up some old pictures, look at their kids and say with uncertainty with every picture; I think this is….. Then you will get this nudge to think, my dad wanted to talk about this stuff but I didn’t want to waste my time, I wonder if they are my great grandparents, wish I knew, wish I could tell my kids who these people are in this picture.
Age old regrets get shared at times, most common and by many, is the forgetting of the past by not caring about the pictures and memento’s from the past; but the pickers go out and buy the old junk up and sell it all at swap-meets and in boutique’s. Regrets come from seeing the things that represent your life with price tags tied to them, things you should have passed down to your children. Regrets come in the form of ignorance in your own bloodline, someday it will matter but for now it’s You; but those questions will be asked, who are those people in the picture? Hope your answers are good, because it’s your childrens history now; and none of the things lost through careless neglect, regrettably, they can never be replaced.
Old friends, new friends, no matter, today take friendship with a grain of thought. It’s in the rough times that you find out who your friends truly are; and that goes for family also.
A friend sticks by your side, they don’t leave and they don’t get all sensitive because you fall on hard times, by sensitive I mean; treating you like a leper all oozing with infection, and they don’t take advantage of you. But there is no way of testing a friend till that harsh time in which life kicks the air right out of your sails. It’s very important in life to give your best, and do it from the heart.
Keep an eye on those that help, they may want something, a gift of some sort, something that you cherish, maybe it’s the glory of helping; none of which are good reasons to help, you help because it’s the right thing to do.
Going through the above is an eye opener of sorts, all those nice words without anything to back them up. All the I love you’s with no heart to back up that love. All the you need anything’s that are never there. And all that lack of understanding your position in life. Kind of makes you feel small and worthless; maybe today that’s what friends and family is supposed to do or be; but in the true reality of life, they are the ones that should feel small and worthless.
Some of those in the above, they never feel anything, till they need something, and they will ask; even on the most basic of human needs, they never feel anything till the hour of need. They live in their gifts of glory for the help they gave you, but say one thing, doesn’t matter if what you had said or done had anything to do with anything; their sensitivity makes you out to be trash. That’s life I guess in some books, but not mine; you need help you get it. Your not trash, your human first and foremost, if you do everything for the better and get treated like dirt, then you’re dealing with the wrong people. The regrets in this, oh it’s bad, I was lucky when hard times hit me, but had I been a piece of garbage that just takes and takes without caring or understanding life; you will feel like you just took a swan dive off the high platform into seasoned blue cement, it’s going to hurt.
Regrets, it’s your choice if you build them and keep them; or not. If you do, the regrets will tear you apart before any end, they won’t do you any good in any kind of relationship, friends or family. With that in mind, why not start to live a life of respect and dignity today, let the ashes of others fall where they may; while you spend your time shedding unneeded regrets, and you might even find better friends in the process.
Drove past an old friends home, taking the back way home due to traffic. He was out front looking at his tree, knows where I live, expects me to stop at his house but he never stops at mine, too far out of his way. Walking distance between the two houses, ten minutes. I kept driving, his regret in the making, maybe. Known him for forty six years, some people just never go out of their way. Regrets come silent at times, but their loud when they finally get your attention.