How do you say Goodbye to Someone that’s Not Leaving on a Jet Plane?
Or, any of the other modes of transportation available these day’s, in a somber truth of life, they may not even leave the couches, chairs or beds they are in.
I have watched a generation grow from playing Cowboys & Indians, to becoming the Mod and hippie generation, then on to whatever artists or business people they wanted to become. For me during all that, I surfed, hiked, took up photography and writing, but most of all through all of that; I watched people and learned life.
And now, those once youthful children that were for a day or so the Lone Ranger or Hop A Long Cassidy, well, they are older. The inevitable of everyone’s life is age, as well as onset age related illnesses; only the young think they will avoid such parts of life, but the old knows that they won’t, and in the avoiding of the truth of age, well; it’s undignified.
It’s not a mind thing, but go ahead and tackle the things you used to do, you will see that life is telling you another story or a truth of life and age; about you and your abilities.
The prime interest in this, is in the saying goodbye to someone that matters more than we consider on a normal basis. We know what they mean to us, how they just simply bring a smile to our face just by a sigh or a movement like raising their arms in a yawn. But it happens all the time, so we just don’t think about the value of the more simple things in our lives; we think more about the stuff that can be bought everyday and anywhere. But there will be a day, that a simple phone call from the one that you love will be a highpoint.
Here is how it starts, you both survived the hurdles of life, you talk about life and the rest of your lives together; and all the things you want to do in your life. You make tentative plans, reading things, taking classes in painting or pottery; or maybe look for that right size guitar so you can play it while your spouse drives the two of you down some back country road.
You have it all planned out, the two of you. Your at work, you get a call, it’s your spouse, a routine visit to the doctor, they find something in the blood, maybe a lump. Your busy so you don’t answer the phone, you wrap things up and give your spouse a call back, there is always time, and your busy, but it’s the one you love and there is now a minute or two to give.
Their voice is different, it’s shaky as they say that the doctor needs to run some test, you can feel the fear in their voice, not only hear the fear; you can feel it as they ask you to be there with them. Your heart, it sinks to your feet, your guts feel like they’re in your throat; I’ll be home in a minute you say, then you dash for the car.
In business, you’re arrogant, you’re tough, you’re ruthless, but that phone call took you to your knees.
You get home, there is the love of your life, she is alright, but there is a quivering in her voice, a slight tremble in her fingers and hands, she looks at you, then she tells you about her last few hours: the doctor found some abnormalities in my blood, the counts were off, my enzymes are out of whack, they say I have cancer, I have to go in tomorrow morning for a biopsy. Then she takes a deep breath, I love you so much Darlin, what are we going to do.
There is nothing the two of you can do till morning, it’s time to love and relax, you make the love of your life comfortable, as comfortable as possible. Then you go to the kitchen and cook some dinner, remembering all the meals the two of you cooked together, the conversations and laughter the two of you shared while cooking.
But life reminds us all of the moments in our life, the forgotten or neglected words, the cheerful laughter as well as the wrongful words and arguments; everything life reminds us of, it’s all in our back pages, life holds no quarter in reminding us. But you have faced everything and kept the good, you put all the good the two of you shared in that hope chest in the soul.
The dinner cooked and eaten, you call it a day, turn on a movie and snuggle up, it’s time to relax the mind heart and soul. She falls asleep, no labor in her breathing, for now she is in a peaceful state; you go outside to breathe and to think. But while you are outside in deep thought, something changes, deep inside; something changes.
You called yourself an agnostic or an atheist, calling God a myth or nonexistent in the reality of life, or maybe you believed silently amongst other people afraid they won’t like you if you even hinted that you have faith in God above man or the dollar; but at the moment at hand, you don’t care about that stuff. First, you blame God for the illness, the pain and the fear, the threat of not being able to grow old with the one you love; then you ask him to give her a good nights rest. You feel for maybe the first time in your life what it feels like to be a hypocrite, you’re shameful in front of God, but you also realize that there is nothing you can do to change what is happening for the better, you need something bigger on your side; quickly, you learn how to pray.
The next morning you wake up, you call in work to tell them that you won’t be in, then you get ready for the hospital and the biopsy test, you fix a small breakfast because she can’t eat. All the way to the hospital you talk, listen to some familiar and liked music, slightly enjoying the time together till you turn into the hospital parking lot, the deep breath’s taken you both enter the doors and get directions to where the test will be taken.
She changes clothes and lays on the hospital gurnee, they wheel her off, you keep your word that you will be there when it’s done, you go to the waiting room accepting no calls, business or otherwise.
For a minute or two you close your eye’s, talking silently to God, you want him to care for her. At this moment you don’t care that you’re holding her purse, you don’t care if the president is in town, you don’t care if the world is going up in smoke, all you care about is the outcome of the test; and the time you have or may not have to fulfill the dreams of the future that the two of you want so much to share.
You get the word, the tests are done, the biopsies taken, she is a little groggy, but you now can go to her side. You go to her, she smiles, you tell her that you love her and when the time is right, you help her get dressed and take her home. The next day you both go to the doctor where you’re told, that cancer has spread to every organ, there is little that can be done, all you can do is make her comfortable.
The only thing they can’t do, our illustrious medical professionals, they can’t tell us how long, but the two of you never believed they could do that properly anyway; so you go home and make the best of everything, every minute from now on is drenched in love.
That moment comes, there is nothing that you can do, but to hold on as long as you can; maybe for the first time in your life, you feel the truth in life and living. There is nothing more profound, than the last breath taken by the one that you love more than living. All the well meaning people, wishing you well, telling you how they are there for you, their words give you peace, but their words never fill the meter; in truth they can’t, because the void that is now in your life, it’s bigger than the earth itself.
No one can see the void, they can’t feel it, someone says something stupid, they haven’t felt life yet, you write them off and move ahead. Those that say they care, that never took the time to know that she was ill, you accept their words and hugs, then you move on knowing there is more to life. But your knowledge of what the [more to life] is, it’s somehow deeper than ever before, profound, it’s such a weak word now; because trying to even distinguish the edges of life is impossible. Till you realize, you’re somehow, connected to heaven, it’s a good feeling, to know that life down here on this earth, with all the imposition and graceless realities conjured up by mankind won’t last forever; at sometime in our lives there will be peace.
Most of what is written here on this site was taught me by the older people that I had in my life when I was younger, they were there mainly because I preferred them over those in my age group; to be honest, I would still prefer them in my life now. The lessons they taught me, have saved me so much, and they built my inner strength, them and God. When the love of my life passed I tapped their memories and lessons learned. In my youth, I am grateful I heard their words.
Remember that phone call above? ‘But there will be a day, that a simple phone call from the one that you love will be a highpoint.’ There are no addresses, no phones, no stairways, no physical connection to heaven, none, that’s why the believers in science and the false powers of mankind try so hard to rebuke God and heavens existence; but now through your love, and deep in your soul, you know there is something beyond this life of self confusing manners in the way that we live.
How do you say Goodbye to Someone that’s Not Leaving on a Jet Plane?
You don’t, there are no Goodbyes in love, some day, every one will understand that to be true, and every one will understand the real meaning of living.