Stop the Bickering
Those bittersweet memories of holidays past or family gatherings, they are bitter because we humans are hell bent on hanging on to ‘Stupid’ like it’s Adams last rib. But some parts of a person’s life happen for a reason, we may not know what the reason is, we just follow the reason like a roadmap; but most all the reasons that cause bickering are not roadmaps anyone should follow.
I was told once that I could be intimidating, I think it’s just my mustache but who knows, but then; I do detest dysfunction and toxic people.
It seems in life, that there is a never-ending supply of both dysfunction and toxicity when dealing with people, from one degree to the other, both are never in short supply. But, I did learn along time ago that I don’t have to be like those people that follow such roadmaps; besides, I don’t have to take them or anyone else fishing with me.
The bickering, grandstanding, ego building, that stuff is so destructive in the family, it ruins holidays or birthday parties, pitting family member against family member; and for what?
Family reunions should be fun, relatives we rarely see, history’s of the family that people rarely talk about, in some family history’s people can date topics as far back as the 1800’s or earlier. So they should be fun, noncombative reunions of family members with occasional fence mending, they should be an E/I moment for everyone in the family, a time to learn and pass on the family history; it just seems right.
Went to a few reunions in my day, but this one stands out where bickering is involved. Blood isn’t always thicker than water, one member of the family drove over a thousand miles to be there, the other maybe forty miles, but they drove their perspective distances for a stupid argument that lasted for about three years. They wouldn’t talk to each other, but they would talk about each other, they avoided each other the best they could, hey they were mad at each other right; but one was in his sixties at the time, and the other in his forties or late thirties. Old enough to know better, or at least to know how to get along.
I keep thinking about setting a good example for the children at this point, but I don’t think it happened to be a thought with these two people.
What was the reason for the anger, hanging on to ‘Stupid’ remember.
One liked Adidas, the other liked Nike’s, they argued about it and were mad at each other for three years, now running into my 242 Classic Volvo at a reunion, that might cause an argument; but sneakers?
Well whatever turns a person’s crank.
Bickering never resolves anything, and chances are, it’s the adults that do the worst of the bickering, while they yell at the kids for arguing. Goofy kids, can’t wait till they get older with kids of their own, then they will see how stupid they’re acting!
Well sometimes the kids will have kids of their own, and they may very well be their own parents. Two such parents were in my life, I had three cousins that I went years without seeing, yes, the mother’s were arguing. I learned a whole bunch from them about bickering, I also learned how to escape the drama, and no; it was not substance abuse of any kind. Our home was already broken by society’s view, the last thing I needed were parents from both sides dancing around in fits of rage.
The reason for their arguing, my grandparents had passed on; if there is a window in heaven, I wonder what my grandparents would have thought. Stupid kids, yadda yadda yadda.
One of the biggest problems with society, is that nothing offends anyone anymore, the way that it should, we’ve become cold to moronic actions and attitudes; so why on earth should we adults breed such acceptance in the family?
Unless, as a thought, that’s where the actions of society come from? Hmm, novel concept.
Attitudes and actions given birth and fostered in the family, then such actions and attitudes are simply without any attention given along the way; they are just spilled out over in to society. Maybe society isn’t as dysfunctional as the family may be, maybe society is more of a reflection of what the family experience of life has become; if so, then maybe the bickering between family and friend type relationships is simply carried out stronger on the streets.
That somewhat figures, when you watch the news and see the child abuse, elderly abuse, and spouse abuse cases grow in numbers. Such a thought could also reflect on the number of DUI’s, murders, and the hit and run deaths; bickering does have a way of turning into full on anger.
Can’t blame everything on society, on a personal or family level, we as humans have to or will have to accept some responsibility for what we see outside or in the news.
I will not get involved anymore in family bickering, truth is, I haven’t for years; unless it turns into a scuffle, or is within the walls of my home; if that is the case, the bickering will end. Unless it’s my daughter’s, I won’t even give life learned and helpful advise, everyone’s too arrogant to listen (at times, arrogance will make a person deaf to useful logic,) and I have been told it’s a lecture; good sound advice is never a lecture, especially if it stifles the bickering and possibly some sort of wrongful action.
Maybe it’s time for the older generation to truly understand the meaning of Peace and Love, the fad is dead and changed so much with extreme repercussions. Maybe it’s time to show the words Peace and Love more respect than they did forty plus years ago, but don’t wait for some leader of some movement; be mature and start at home. Some sound advice, no substance abuse before during or after the conversation with the family, if you want something better; then don’t follow suit with the peace and Love generation.