Dealio

Dealio

Everyone has the one same opportunity coming their way, it’s inevitable!
It’s so inevitable that I don’t even have to tell anyone what it is, maybe I do, I guess there is that possibility. Depends if you are a child, or a mature adult I would imagine.
A year and some odd ago I was diagnosed with COPD, the basics of the illness came from a fall, the rest came from living and working. The doctor that I see, and the doctors and nurses in the ER can never understand my casual take on the circumstance before me.
It’s like this, I have this broken rib from the fall, it reminds me that I have never been in total control of my life; the pesky little rib reminds me often of that. Plus, the COPD has almost taken me twice; so, why worry?
All I can do is control it the best I can, and live life the best that I can; remembering that there is a definite inevitable to life. Keep the stress to a minimum, accept only the good people into my life, listen to the music that truly makes me feel good; in other words, live life from the Heart.
People ask me, doesn’t it bother you?
I don’t even have to think about it, because I can’t change anything, so why should I let it get to me; besides, one of these days, I get to go home where the candle burns bright in the window.
But what I can do, I can share what is right, or should be right in this world for my family, for my friends, and for you my Dear Readers; all in hopes that I will, when that day comes, if nothing else, I will leave this world a little better and wiser.
See, this is my world just as much as it is yours or anyone else’s, it’s not my property, like anyone breathing on this dusty planet should already realize; I just have a life-long lease that was granted me at birth.
The person that was recently told to leave this home, they once asked me, “don’t you ever smile?” The answer is yes I do smile, but it takes more than bingo night down at the grange on Friday night, the beauty of life has to be a part of what I see and hear.
I smile at the beauty that I see every day and night, truly sorry they can’t understand that, if they could; they might not be looking for another place to live. In my life I have taken the time to see the beautiful, and to see the not so beautiful, in reality; that is the only way that we humans will know what beautiful is, by comparison.
It’s that comparison, that allows me the knowledge to believe and say; that life was not meant to be lived by the manners in which we live today. Sometimes these little sparks of wisdom comes out if you really live your life, I just sent a message to someone along those lines, came from what I have learned. Life is an uphill adventure with rest areas along the way, so pick your fights well.
Life is uphill, but that uphill part is where we learn life, and it’s not always bad, it can actually be fun. But looking at the people that just Cruz along, they don’t learn life the way that some do; that is why it’s important to pick your fights well. There are no shortcuts, those that take shortcuts pay for them somewhere in their life; like substance abuse to escape the living of life, the shortcomings of life, for a shortcut? Not worth it!
But I have also talked to people that have traveled extensively, seen the world from all four corners, some have such a lack the knowledge of life, and they never seem any happier than I am; some are even grumpy. Talked to people of wealth, was surprised at the lack of knowledge some of them have in life and living. Who is better, I don’t know, who is to say, don’t need to see the four corners of the earth, nor all of its riches, not if it means I lack wisdom; or that in doing so I deprive myself of the ability to cope with life without shortcuts.
Been thinking lately about the good parts of my life, I have had both good and bad. Broken home, felt a broom handle across my backside as a kid, now that hurt; some grab what they can. Domestic wars, and my children never ask, or see that I didn’t want to pass the drama on to them in our own divorce, that drama is not for children; sadly they can’t escape the drama. So I wanted to ease the drama for them, wouldn’t fight as long as they had good schooling; still paying for that decision, couldn’t get it where we were living, but it made them more intelligent and better prepared for life.
Jobs, only had a few, two of them lasted forever, least ways till yuppieism moved in, and the economy started to tank. But I liked them, made some friends along the way, enjoyed the work, it wasn’t bad, it was a heck of allot better before the 1990’s though, the working class was a little more dignified.
The church, up till I left because of ethnic degrading principle’s, not mine, but I did enjoy my childhood church experience. Christmas, yeah, the church is beautiful at Christmas. And church camp, always fun, the other kids, music like the Portland Zoo, they played good Rock music. Uncle Pit, hope your eye healed, sorry for the pinecones; but we were having a pinecone fight. And like riding a bicycle, the faith part of church gets into your blood, it never leaves, one day you just tap the church inside and it fills you, one of God’s mysterious actions, but it’s there whenever needed.
High school, and grade school, a reunion for my grade school showed me how much life had changed in my then thirty plus years. Got along with, remembered most, and conversed most with my grade school classmates than I have with my high school classmates; there is something to that formative year idea. Should have studied better, should have been more attentive. But all in all it was good, some students though, they had the good grades, then they went the popular route with drugs and such; it’s safe to say that we are equal now.
The cars, the nights driving around Broadway in downtown Portland, surfing, the races at P.I.R., good memories their, but they don’t drive me; not as much as other memories do.
My grandparents, and their sacrifice and love. My children’s birth, and now ones marriage. There have been a good number of good people in my life, glad I took the time to listen to them, now I can say that through the years, their words have helped me through more than they probably will ever know, sure glad I listened.
One of the best, besides my children, she came late in life, but she came in love. We weren’t looking for the usual things, just wanted some calm in our lives. Life has its ups and downs, it’s inherent, but we got our calm; and a very beautiful love. The rest is reserved for the animals, Mitzy, Lady, C-Bo, Tigger, Ebony, even Lucky, J.J. and Angel; especially J.J. and Angel. I learned along time ago, listen to the animals, that was one good dog, and one good cat.
All the good and bad, the confusion of life, the clarity of life, the feeling of the darker times in sobriety, at times wishing I wasn’t sober, nonetheless learning life; and the beautiful time, the love and companionship. All of which, no matter how harsh, no matter how peaceful; they are all untradeable.
Wouldn’t want to really, trade any part of my life, change some maybe, but they gave me strength and hope, creativity, a presence of mind, heart and soul. I do think of those that have not lived, just Cruzed along, bumps that weren’t mountains, to them they may have had the feeling of mountains; but they weren’t. I often question, what are people going to be like when they lose someone, when life, hands them, without their seeking; a real mountain?
I know the feeling they will feel, I know how they will feel in their gut, how in their silent times; the noise will be so profound. But like me, they will make it through, as long as they remember, that the answers to finding peace is never found at the bottom of a bottle or any other means of escape. Only in the quiet contemplation and breathing, did do a good deal of Faith Tapping though, like I said it will be there.
COPD, it’s not going away, it’s going to be here for the duration of my lease, it’s all in how I, and no one else, handle it. One thing for sure, love, for my children comes first, whether they take the time to see, understand, and talk about my love for them or not; it will be seen by them. The priorities have changed, that is the way facing the inevitable works, what is important today gets reevaluated, the priorities get shifted around; some kept and some tossed away.
My wish, it’s not world peace, it’s that people take the time to learn the value of peace in their own lives, that other people emulate the good they see in the peaceful person; and then maybe, a peaceful place will someday exist for everyone to enjoy.
There will always be the takers, the users of life, but they will be less likely to have the ability to hide in a cloak of kindness, they will be seen for who they are. But I can tell anyone, my time here on this earth, it’s limited due to the reality of the inevitable; I really don’t wish to waste it dealing with the toxicity of the people that I meet, or give shelter to.
People will just have to come to grips with that, or they won’t, it’s up to them.

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