Muses of the Past
Going through a bunch of things, tossing some, sending some to the Good-Will, I ran across some old writings. I thought, I should write them up, well type them up and post them. I read them, while they were thoughtful in their reason for being written, it is in the thoughtfulness the reason why they won’t see any printing at any time; they are just a little too blunt, right down to the words used.
That is where the presence of people are in your life, people have a way of changing another person by simply being in the room. It can be good, or it can be bad; but they silently change you nonetheless.
The old writings, they had an edge to them, like the curb edge of the road, they were good in their content; but that edge was there, I just couldn’t get beyond the edge. The wrong Muse had to of been having a field day with my head, at the time, I didn’t realise it; just wrote away getting my point across.
I have left them right on the end of the couch for now, deciding what to do with them; it’s not like the kids will read them, but who knows, they are old enough. The one thing about the writings though, they do show a good deal of history, for both myself; a our society as a whole.
Makes me think: What reminds anyone of the mistakes they make? Is it the guilt, or is it the lessons learned?
For some, when mentioning a ‘Crossroads’ in life, people think of a choice to be made, this way is good, that way is bad; sometimes the crossroads is where the good in life comes together.
That brings us to the crossroads of Lacrosse and Love Streets, home, peace and calm for the most part; no matter who, where or how, there is always a human equation. Look at that human equation as that square pile of dirt in the middle of an intersection, one thing is for sure, there is where my life changed, what a beautiful Muse. Deep conversations, companionship, and Love. We cleaned up that square pile of dirt together, that is what life should be all about, mistakes being made, lessons being learned, and cleaning up the square piles of dirt in our own crossroads.
We all accept our lives as they are, we have been conditioned throughout our lives to be accepting of the things we cannot change; that is where I was. But then I woke up one day, it was all the same, right down to my core feelings of life. My creativity had become darker, my self esteem was in the toilet, things needed to change. I worked harder, to a degree I took better care of my soul, I looked harder inwardly. To some at that point, I was a mess.
But I looked at it this way, when anyone cleans out a garage or that cluttered bedroom where everything unneeded ends up, in the cleaning; the area looks like a total disaster for hours or maybe even days. But it’s not a disaster, it’s the process of cleaning happening, there is life coming to the particular room, there is a goal being met. That creative part of the cleaning comes in the form of shelves or cabinets being built or cleared, the cleansing comes in the form of the garbage and recycling bins being filled to compaction; and in the end, you have one very beautiful room to look at and maybe share with another.
That was my life, the conversations wouldn’t hold water, the love came in repetitious words, less the showing. There needs to be a change, one last conversation, one last try before giving up the towel, if things went back to the same old same old, then the longevity of that life would be changed.
Divorce came with all the usual reaching out, arguments, blame, talking to people in the family you never talked to before because you didn’t like them, the lacking acceptance of who was wrong or who was right; there is Always two sides to every coin. In other words, total denial falls on one side of the coin, the other side of the coin gets the acceptance, or the weak and spindly acceptance. The family, with the exception of the children, they are so far removed from all that is going on that old memories and rumors are all they base their truths on; but they get involved anyway with innocent little words and innuendos. In that innocence, the ignorance of life breeds, hurt flourishes, the true Innocent of life never sees the whole truth; it becomes time for more denial or more trying to happen.
Two people come together in conversation, they have known about each other for years in their own separate lives, but their lives cross again. The conversations fill them, soon it’s a welcoming to have the conversations and companionship; the rumblings in the soul talking to them both. Hearts touch, souls touch, the kiss, sometime after the false words get passed to the family and children, the kiss happens. But that will never matter, no matter the cost to the lives involved; it just won’t matter.
But a new life has started, and the warmth of love ties two souls together; it’s time to clean out that square patch in the center of the crossroads. Demons cast, past lives packed up and put away in the dusty caverns of the mind, children remembered and tried for, life was anew; and Love was the guide.
Wouldn’t trade my life with any thing, a time, a presence. I have two pictures that I hang onto, one is of me in the past, I keep it not to revel in the time; but to remember who I was and what my soul had become. The other picture, my life after she came into my life; because of the change in my life that beautiful Lady gave me. Our hearts, our souls, our DNA; they are God’s own nectar of love that he gives freely to those that try diligently to understand life’s meaning.
The Muse of my life, came later in our lives together, unknowingly she was there all the time. But my thoughts and my living became more peaceful in the aftermath, in the respect for those in my life, if they can’t see the peace and honesty in my life when it stands before them; well there are better things for me to do. Like take care of the laundry, the buzzer just rang out calling my name.
That doesn’t mean life’s door is shut, it simply means that life’s open door is waiting on you to walk through it with understanding and Love.