The Continual Taking
People, they chip away at your kindness and dignity, with their inconsiderate actions; then when the person they are taking self-serving liberties with gets fed up, they look at them like they are the Big Blue Lean Mean Monster that is chewing away at them. In their childish manners, they act like your actions of confrontation without violence is unwarranted; standing before you in awe and the not wanting to look you in the eye.
Not everyone depreciates the acts of human kindness, by the using of someone for their own gain; some people actually try to repay the thoughtful kindness they receive by giving kindness to others.
After a few years of loss, very heartfelt loss, the kind of loss that is attached to the soul. And a half a year of honest and all too looming uncertainty, that showed me the coldness of people, and of family, I have come to the realization (a realization that I have for a longtime tried to suppress in the thought of hope) that humanity is so very much colder these days than at any other time in history.
I told my daughter, that it is becoming increasingly harder to pay any kindness forward, in my regard to my own bumpy path that I have now left behind.
Somehow that feeling is so debilitating, there is an unneeded feeling of non-appreciation based guilt attached to the feeling, however un-warranted. Till you figure out that people make you feel that way, my debts of my survival have been paid, and like anyone else, it is time for the rebuilding of my sanity and kindness of others.
But this time, by the dictates of a colder, an increasingly colder, humanity; the rebuilding will be a little different. Let no one think me selfish, nor once gullible; but in order to protect my kindness, I must put my giving self first, before the act of caring; not after.
If people understood life more, if they appreciated life more, if they gave life’s gift more respect; then they would live better and more responsive to the value of life.
I am not here to be used, or to ignore, I am not here to respond to the asking for something that fulfills the whims of another; I have been so lacking in the striking back of someone’s taking, while still giving without the self in mind. Thanks to the increasing chill of humanity, I cannot live in such a manner, I am no longer their to offer help; it will be up to the person to ask and appreciate what I can give in my caring ability. But, that caring ability is soundly wrapped in their Investment in getting to know me as a person, through communication, a want without a string attached; in other words, on a human level.
The longevity of anyone’s life, no matter the age, no matter the upbringing or gained mentality; it is suspect that immortality will ever touch humanity. I will not waste my time on this earth, with the actions of others, their self-serving frivolity’s of life.
I don’t need the recognition for my giving, I never have. But on a person to person level, there should be respect given; that is the respect paid to the manner in which we live. If there is little respect or civility seen in a person’s life, for those around them, it is simple; just leave me alone, for I will not wish you in my life.
Life is not like a “Box of Chocolates” unless, life itself, is to be eaten, spitting out the bitter morsels in favor of all the sweeter candies we can attain; at the price of an empty box. Life is so much more than a catchphrase, there is depth to life that escapes the eyes of so many these days; till it becomes them like a well fitting suit of flamboyant colors, a suit a person may wish to shed but can’t. The ridicule of others, the walking away of others, the thought of worthlessness in those times is overwhelming; at times overriding the need to survive.
The lessons that come in those times, life’s meaning being more important than ever before. The harsh realities of lonely times, becomes the greedy man’s, the manipulative man’s, the non caring man or woman’s time for a deeper review of themselves. The one that has always placed a high regard on life’s meaning, it becomes a time of survival, while retaining the dignity they have always had.
Life has always been pretty much head-on, somewhat like driving a car, except with the car; you can usually park the car and walk away. Ah, but that is life isn’t it, always the haunting mistakes made, or the beautiful memories. Everything here is true, don’t really care if the reader believes if it’s true or not, it’s here just for the sharing, and after 62 years on this earth, drug and alcohol free, watching and learning; I feel I have something worth sharing. The rest, Dear Reader, is up to you!
Life has always been left up to us, God allows us that freedom. It’s in how we act in accordance to life, the people in our lives, the ones that care, the love given and taken away, the respect given and taken away; and the forgiveness given and taken away. Don’t wait too long to show respect for what you have, or those that continue to show caring in your life and welfare; because if you do, they may not be there in your time of need again.
Some may take this page as one man’s tirade filled pages of disgust of all that is around him, but it’s not; it would be a mistake to think so. In my thought of humanity one person has made that mistake, everyday I wonder; do they really understand how close they are to counting the rips and tears in their cars headliner when they awaken in the morning? They should have showed more respect and honesty with me from the beginning, because I am no longer here to be used. And no, I carry no strings of indecency or want, my life is no gutter to be lived in, in such a demeaning manner.
Chris Rea – Heaven Lyrics
It’s all bright in front
And it’s all dark behind
Livin’ for the now that’s in between the bridges and the signs
And getting there is still a long long way to go
While the others dream and wish
This is everything I officially need to know
Happy, boy you bet I am
Holding on to this smile for just as long as I can