Woke up this morning, cool breeze blowing the curtains in and out of the window with Grace. A yawn preceding my upwardly stretched arms, my morning reaching to God and you. The sunlight beckons the start of a new day, breathe, I think to myself, I must breathe.
All those, standing in the cemetery yesterday morning, some with a rose in their hand, to be dropped on your casket when they leave. Some with a tear and sigh, have always wondered, are the tears real enough to remove the question, are these the same people that cry at every strangers wedding?
Sitting on the edge of the bed, a certain roughness filled my sleep last night, I think of our bed, the undisturbed side, this lonely foreboding hour of wishing and missing. Oh how I want to turn back the clock to a cancer free time, then tumble back between the sheets with you; one more time, feeling you, touching you. Knowledge and wisdom whispers, no day can be returned, no internment of flesh reborn. An urge creeps over me, rip the hands from every clock, sitting upon table, wall or tower.
What is this thing called love for if it hurts so much? I would not trade a second, not a second of you me we together, us, no matter the pain, the sorrow; but something in me wants to lash out. Too young, in our older years, you were still too young to be taken.
Sipping my coffee, it’s their words yesterday, she’s in heaven now they all said, she is in a good spot; she is at peace. Only half in attendance there believed in God, what do they know, though true enough you are; but the longing still resides within my core.
Looking out at the waves, the sea, the horizon, like you, far beyond my all too human of reach. Should I go to town, our customary country breakfast with the locals. Sam will be there, so will Laura and June; Sam will be cooking, June and Laura will be waiting tables like usual.
They were all there yesterday, even shut the cafe down till it was all done, guess that says something, for you, there would have to be an earthquake and Sam would still be open for business. Nah, think I will cook something up here, not all the locals know that you have passed, I couldn’t handle their remarks of me being there without you; where’s your ball and chain, where’s your old lady – between you and me, I always hated those terms.
I don’t know, not much in the mood for people I guess, not without you. Besides, there are some good waves coming in, maybe, maybe I need to get in the water, just a good session in the water with God, Nature, and you.
Feels strange, going out alone, without my companion. The waves are calm but good, rideable anyways; let’s paddle out.
Sitting out here, beyond the break, peaceful, always peaceful. Remember the first time I took you out in the surf, ah you made me smile, the smile on your face; you were so beautiful, never been out before, surfing became part of your DNA that day the same as you are a part of mine now.
The waves, the beaches, all the road trips, all the sunsets; wonder if God will let you come down for my last ride, or my last sunset. Oh to share the miles and waves again and again with you, tell me is there surf in heaven? Bet the sunsets are so beautiful there, wish you could help me see through your eyes right now, I have always gotten lost in your green eyes, oh please tell me what you see.
I know you are safe, no one to hurt or degrade you, that’s the way heaven is, it’s like catching that perfect wave, smooth running till the end; we will have our perfect eternal wave.
Oh to spend eternity with you, from the first day, the morning sun in your hair, that country dress with the tiny little flowers printed on it; and the golden central hills behind you, I can remember your sweet scent like I can remember the fragrance of the eucalyptus trees that surrounded us. I knew then where my eternity would be, it all, from that day a long-time ago, begins and ends with you!
Haven’t been counting waves today, don’t much care, but one is building, let’s catch it. Every wave has its own sound, bubbles churning under the rails, the upright angle of the face, the crash of the white water behind as the wave breaks, this wave is ours.
As I stand to my feet upon the boards deck, I see in the distance the white sandy beach and our home on the shallow bluff; every wave has its own distinctive s…….